Growing Up

I don’t know why I’m behaving like this! Why am I acting so tuff? May be I am trying to hide my weakness, but my anger is eating me up. It has been ruining my relationships. May be I am trying to mask myself behind a strong, rebel woman, which I am not actually. I am a coward from inside, fearful of every lonely step, fearful of every struggle in future.

Falls in life has taught me lessons, I thought, but they have been teaching me all the wrong ones. In the fight of living independent, as a strong son to my parents, somewhere I forgot I was fragile too. My smartness now has turned into naiveness or foolishness to say exactly. My life I thought, was a very strong journey, precisely I was a hero to myself. But every belief has turned into a past.

Confidence faded away, I started to compromise with life’s conditions and life in turn started humiliating me. I used to be a strong woman and now I am fake. An aimless journey, living just to fit in. love doesn’t come with soft music anymore and brightness doesn’t have its light like before. I have gone mad or too weak to handle myself. Always sneaking from behind the walls of excuses to skip life’s bitter truth. But I guess this is all of us growing up. How life is sometimes so suffocating. The mature decisions are forced to be taken, just when you are thinking that you are free from responsibilities and hard work.

Just when you think you have the best of people around you, you are reminded that now has come the time to depart. Life’s paths and changing phases are harsh at the beginning but gradually everything falls in place. But again as soon as you start enjoying things, it’s like a snap and you have to move on with changes and adjustments. I am not lamenting on little pebbles on the way, it’s just that the moments don’t last longer, the feelings don’t stay the same and preferences have to be changed in accordance to the needs. Love is only some times as sweet as we read in fairy love novels.